For those of you who know me and know me well know that I have never met my biological father, Jim. Who has 3 sons and 1 daughter...so I have 3 (half) brothers and 1 (half) sister. I don't like using the word "half" in front of siblings, just doesn't sit well with me.
I am not going to get into why I've never seen my dad's side of the family. Decisions were made and life went on. I have always known about my dad and siblings. I have wrote many letters over the years but could never get one mailed out. I couldn't bare to be turned away, even though it would have closed and sealed that open door, I guess I was never ready to close it. I have searched for them over the years on the internet. One day it dawned on me...they might be on Facebook. I looked up Jim but no luck, knew his wife's (ex-wife I later found out) name, searched her and there she was! It took me months to finally type a message and send it. I never got a response, so about a month I decided to send a message to Brad who I assumed was my brother, since his name I found with Jim's on yet another search. Again it took me several months to type a letter, this was different what if he wasn't my brother? What if he doesn't know about me? I would be causing ripples in their family, I could be this well kept secret. What if he does know about me but still doesn't want to know me? I have all these what if's and mixed feelings. I had Floyd read it to make sure it made since, I didn't want to ramble on but didn't want to be too vague. Floyd thought it sounded good and hit send before I could object!
Inside I am panicking, excited, stomach in knots going to throw up at any minute. Thankfully we had to leave the house so I was distracted but then a few hours later. I log into facebook and there is a reply from Brad...my heart dropped to my stomach and quickly shot putted into my throat. I read his letter at least a dozen times before I could reply. Brad, TJ, Tyler and Mariah are my siblings. I have 2 sister in-laws, along with 2 nephews and a niece. I didn't expect their reaction would be so welcoming and open. Not that I think the worse is going to happen but with this type of situation I just expected a no thank you! Christy and Sarah, my sister in-laws have been wonderful to talk, I can't wait to meet them as well.
We plan on meeting and hopefully making memories for the rest of our lives. I don't know if Jim will want to meet me. I hope he does but I understand if he doesn't. I want him to know I harbor no hatred or anger for what happened, without those decisions I wouldn't be the person I am today or where I am.
It almost doesn't feel real, I've dreamed about meeting my brothers and sister for years. I have daydreamed about being on a talk show and meeting them that way. I would watch those shows and wonder if my story would end like those happy endings. I only wish I would have done this sooner but I guess timing is everything. I feel like the Grinch at the end of the movie when he's heart grows, I've always thought I had a big heart with lots of love and now I have an even bigger heart and more love for my new found family. I know its going to take some getting use to for all of us. I am willing to move at any pace and be as open as possible.
There are no words to describe the feelings we have all been experiencing. Overwhelmed doesn't even cover it. I know there are a few days in my life that I have felt this way and I guess the easiest way to explain is its like having all those days wrapped into one.
My family has been very supportive and thinks it is great! It feels good to have good things happening and hope it continues. Family is important and I look forward to the future with all of them!
Oh so I now have 4 brothers and 2 sisters!!! and their families too!!!
"The love of a family is life's greatest blessing"
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