On Sleepness Nights and Worries

Tarin has recently been experience sleepless nights, which doesn't surprise me due to the fact that insomnia is a dominant gene on both sides of our families.   Floyd has always been a night owl,  his mom is up at all hours and my mother and I go through spurts of insomnia.  My feeling is she is too young to start going through this and there is no way we could synchronize our insomina.

The first night when Tarin comes in to tell me she has been awake for awhile and just can't sleep I quickly ask her if she the normal questions, did you have a bad dream?  Are you hungry/thirsty? Do you feel sick?  The answer is always no.  We get a drink from the kitchen and resort to the couch to be extra close to cuddle.  In a moonlit filled room all I can see is my daughter's big brown eyes...melts my heart.  So I press on...

Me: Tarin you know if there is something bothering you can talk to me and daddy.

Tarin: Yes I know but nothing is bothering me.  Just can't sleep.

Me: Ok. Are kids being mean to you?

Tarin: No I have great friends.

Me: Ok just know that I love you and I am here for you.

As we lay there and she finally falls asleep.  I feel a little relieved but still something just didnt' feel right, call it mother's intuition because that's what it was.  Next several nights she has slept through the night.

Last night 11/13 it was just the two of us home,  Floyd went to his friend's house for the night,  I don't sleep well when Floyd is not here partly due to I like having the house all to myself after Tarin goes to bed.  Don't get me wrong I miss Floyd and love the time I have with Tarin but everyone needs some "me time".  I got a lot of housework done and was on the computer, it was about 2am and here comes my girl...bright eyed!

Tarin: Mom I can't sleep again.  I've tried but I just can't.

I quickly repeat the questions I asked before and its the same answers. 

Me: Ok let's go get in my bed.

Tarin: Great!

We get in bed and she let's out a sigh that just tells me something is wrong.

Me: Tarin what's bothering you?

Tarin: well no one will sit with me on the bus and I don't know why. 

Me: What about Brandy, Nathan, or Alisha?

Tarin: Brandy rides in the afternoon and she sits with me but no one sits with me in the morning.  Alisha only sits with other 6th graders and doesn't talk to me.  Nathan won't tell me what I did to him.  He puts his fingers in his ears and hums when I try to talk to.

Me: well then they are worth having as friends.  Alisha is older and its probably "uncool" to have a younger friend.  Nathan he's a boy and its hard telling. 

Tarin: I think Nathan doesn't like me because I said  Christmas wasn't my favorite holiday, Halloween is.  I like that I get to dress up and go Trick or Treating, its fun.  He said I was evil and goth and hasn't sat with me since then.

Me: You know you are not evil or goth.  I'm proud that you don't say Christmas is your favorite holiday.

Tarin: (she interrupts me) Mom most kids say Christmas is their favorite holiday because they LOVE to get gifts.  I like to get gifts but its about spending time with your family, you and Daddy have taught me that.

At this moment I couldn't be proud of my daughter...I thought wow Floyd and I are doing a good job at parenting.

Tarin continues: I love the decorations and getting to play in the snow but I'm not going to say Christmas is my favorite holiday just because we get gifts like all the other kids say.

Me: I am so proud of you!  You can't let other kids bring you down because of your opinions.  They are yours and they have theirs!  I wouldn't be upset that no one sits with you in the mornings,  use that time to read your book or write. Kids who are mean aren't worth getting upset over, you are not missing out on anything.  If it gets any worse then you let us know right away and we will work something else out.

Tarin: Thanks mom! I do feel better.  I'm thankful to have you and daddy as my parents...you're the best!

By now its 3:30am and I'm in tears.  Damn kids...I've always worried about "mean" kids.  I hope that this is the worst of it because I know just how mean kids can be and in today's society they are even meaner and nastier.  I'm so proud that Tarin is who she is and has tried not to let others influence her.  Even at 8 years old she is a strong girl and I have no doubt that she will be a strong woman.  I will do what I can to protect her of course, even if we have to start taking her to school in the mornings.  I want her to stick it out and see if she can get pass no one sitting with her.  I try to make her see the postitive side of things.

Of all the haunting moments of motherhood, few rank with hearing your own words come out of your daughter's mouth. ~Victoria Secunda